Ways of getting rid of offense
Resentment can arise if a person behavesNot at all the way we expected from him. My friend broke up with her husband, who was, in my opinion, a good person, because of the garbage. It had to be taken out at a certain time, then there were no containers and plastic bags and people in the buckets took out the garbage. And in the family of her parents, the man took out the garbage, it was his duty. A friend concluded that if she does not take out the trash, then she does not like, does not respect, and puts it to shame. Naturally, there were plenty of grievances between the young spouses, but she remembers this offense for about forty years.
Ways to get rid of grievances
Friends often give advice to spit and forget,When we once again tell them about our grievances. And they give such advice not casually, because the person who was offended, is a bad interlocutor, he talks only about how someone offended him. But if you try to force the insult out of memory, if you stop talking about it, it will poison our existence anyway. How to overcome the insult - to quench her: take revenge, throw on another person. Another option would be how the boss arranged for his subordinate spacing, and he, in turn, came home, broke on his son, the son hit the dog, and the offended dog clutched his father's leg, so the circle closed.
But these tips do not work, what do you do? Suffering from resentment, jealousy, anger and fear, this is depression and stress, loss of meaning in life, laziness, failure and illness. Mental suffering, this is the fruit of the unhealthy philosophy of life, the fruit of wrong thinking. The only way to get rid of insult - you need to think about it. Take responsibility for your feelings. And to make for this 8 preparatory and consecutive steps.
To relive his resentment, return to it, andRemember how the behavior changed, what thoughts came to mind. It would be better to write everything down, my friend wrote letters to her abusers, but did not always send them, now she has a notebook to work with her grievances.
Write in detail how you should behaveThe person who offended me so that I did not take offense at him. And, probably, the right option would be that he invited me to smoke and explain to me where I was wrong and what I did wrong.
Answer the question why he should have done this. From which come the accepted norms, traditions, laws and so on.
What can be the reasons for his behavior, we need not justifications, but explanations. And list for yourself all the different options.
Does he do this to everyone, or did he do this to me only?
Can this person be capable of what I expected from him, and could he meet these expectations?
What emotions and feelings accompanied my insult? Hopelessness? Hatred? Fear? Anger? and so on.
Forgiveness is not an excuse. Farewell and forgiveness are the words of one root. Removing his mind from resentment, absolution. I can not control it. I can not force my abuser to behave as I would like. I let him become a face to real life and correct his mistakes himself. You should create your own image of forgiveness, a symbol. For example, my friends have an image of a birch tree, I have a stream of light, some have an image of the sky, some have roads. Resentment ends in forgiveness, you need to say forgiveness in words, you need to imagine a person who has offended you, connect with this insult and turn to your imaginary offender, while pronouncing such words:
1. It's your fault that ... and the more details are said, the better. To say which in this case the details of the agreement were violated, and to check whether you have presented everything.
2. It would be correct if he did this, while talking without a particle is not.
3. Probably, he had reasons to do so, as the abuser did. Describe all possible causes.
4. And although he may have had his reasons, I still feel insulted.
5. Despite my feelings and what you did, I decide to forgive you. And let go.
6. But all this does not mean that it was not, I release you. It is necessary to call this image of forgiveness, to unite with it, and to send a torrent of love to the offender.
Thanks to the above methods, you can get rid of resentment and forgive your abuser. The process of forgiveness is painful. But if you do not get rid of the offense, then it can destroy a person.