How to live with neighbors
You noticed that often, when talking about neighbors, manyRemember exactly those people who deliver problems - make noise, debauch, gossip, make remarks, etc.? Those. The very notion of "neighbor" in everyday life is more negative, it is loaded with simple labels that eventually develop into a stable characteristic of a person. He is "bad", "not his", "someone else's". In fact, this is not accidental.
Many scientists believe that human aggressionOn the neighbor sits in the deep layers of the subconscious and comes from the Stone Age, when the struggle for existence and the preservation of the family taught people to differentiate everything around into "their own" and "someone else's." This happened when there were wars for resources, territories, offspring; When the appearance on the territory of the community, which could be estimated in thousands of square kilometers, turned out to be a stranger. And precisely because anthropologists say, sociologists, to modern man, for the lack of wars, it is necessary to implement this aggression outwardly in the form of creating an enemy image. "We" rest at home - "they" sit back, "we" celebrate the birthday - "they" walk from night till morning, "we" make repairs when there is a free minute - "they" knock day and night, "we" Always make a note on the case - "they" poke their nose in their own affairs.
It is only natural that, when entering a new dwelling,Even if temporary, the person first of all studies the degree of danger of the environment and people next to whom he will live. Unconsciously, we cling precisely to the most vivid image and, as it were, make the decision that "it will prevent us from living."
Let us cite one more common case, manyWho will see themselves in this situation, which is not surprising. So much the better - it will be easier for you to understand the idea that we are trying to convey to all readers. So, returning home after work, tired, dreaming to rest, to throw all thoughts out of an overloaded head, we allow our common sense to give way to our primitive instincts, so it's normal that with the slightest noise, a wrestler and defender wake up in us. My home is my castle. The house is the place where we rest. Only in contrast to the primitive society in the modern world, with neighbors, we divide not territorial boundaries that are legalized, but socially-psychological - "our" life / "their" life.
Without developed protective mechanisms, we feelOurselves vulnerable to all sorts of influences and within ourselves, as it were, recognize, we agree that there is someone who "can prevent us from resting", "may prevent us from living," we, as it were, allow ourselves to be someone oppressed. And the more "we" defend, we fight, the more "they" annoy, "do not think" about "us".
Yes, "they" do not let you into their life, so whyDo you yourself allow "them" in your thoughts, in your life, allowing you to destroy your peace? Remember the student hostels, which are silent only at 3-4 o'clock in the morning. Disco clubs, neighbors' siblings, friends and girlfriends of neighbors, newborn children, searching for unfinished lectures and consultations, talking from "nothing to do" and despite these conditions, many also fell asleep, and studied perfectly, and openly communicated with other people. And the children who have grown up in a hostel who can sleep under any light and noise conditions? How do they do it? The fact is that, being settled in a hostel, a person knows what awaits him and accepts this reality as it is, accepts the people who live there, the way they are. In the end, after all, the most important thing is what kind of communication you choose with people.
It is important to understand that there is something in common between you,That which unites you, and there are rules, vowels and secret, about the existence of which everyone at least knows. Transfer this into your life. What do you have in common with your neighbors? Common area, common entrance, common house, common yard. This is what makes neighbors "ours" in relation to people from other sites, houses, entrances. And everyone living next to you has his own biography related to this apartment, house, street. The house and the street where you live. Those. And you are "their" own biography. Nobody will not break out of the habitable place and run, changing their lives in the root, only because "someone is hindering us"? And where to run? To the same "other", "strange" people? Therefore, to begin with, in order to make life easier, you just need to accept that you and your neighbors are one community. Despite the opinions of many scientists about innate aggression, history shows that none of the rock drawings showed anything that would indicate former conflicts between people. For those times, there were ideas of the community of the earth and all natural resources. Having adopted your community, you have already done half the battle. Now, already inside this common space, you can set rules.
Rules of COMMON LIFE
Peaceful residence with neighbors
Internal rules that people themselvesSupport with daily communication with each other - etiquette. These are the rules that most know and observe - not to create strong noises not only after 23.00, but also during the day, warn neighbors if repair is planned or many guests come to celebrate the date and when this is about to end. Also, do not bother with neighbors with frequent requests to use the phone, lend salt, do not show excessive interest in private life, and if you have to handle any request, then as little as possible pass into the apartment and take it for granted if it is denied. In addition, it is important to know how to clean the stairwell and replace the burned bulbs.
Great value in cohabitation withNeighbors are your tactful awareness of their way of life, their family. It is important to know this as respect for someone else's life and as an association for solving joint problems. Starting from the problems of improving your home and yard and to the cases when you or your neighbors will someday have to turn to each other for personal help. After all, there are cases when one of the relatives falls ill, and in the entrance there lives a doctor who can help in the very first minutes. Or you may need urgent help if, for example, a pipe breaks through. To address a request to people you know is easier and more trustworthy than to strangers.
But it is very important to meet the maximumTact and courtesy. If you decide to get acquainted first, as an option, you can invite your neighbor (neighbors) to visit you for tea with sweet. You can on the contrary come with a treat to neighbors, transfer it, but do not enter the apartment, if you are not invited. Do not ask people about their personal lives, about raising children and about other relatives who are absent. Do not give any advice. And do not get into friends. Remember, this is a visit of courtesy and acquaintance. Indicate what you are and tell in what cases you can count on if there is a need for help.
Frequent cases when people become familiar,If they have common interests. For example, the neighboring mothers who walk with the kids in one sandbox or their husbands are motorists. In this case, acquaintance occurs, on the one hand, faster, but on the other hand more difficult. Because because of the community of interests there can be an illusion of a complete separation of interests and all life, an illusion may arise that your neighbor is already your friend. Hence the wrong behavior, unacceptable familiarity, unrestrained interest to learn more about the personal life of another person, the desire to advise something, to tell your biography, etc. Do not be surprised and offended, if in this case you will meet resistance to your good intentions. Your status is a neighbor, not a friend, not a relative. And your task in the role of a neighbor is to make it so that you and yourself are comfortable to live with. It happens that neighborly relations develop into friendly relations, but this happens rarely and requires tact.
How to solve conflicts with neighbors
External rules are regulated by law, but, toUnfortunately, they are often violated. And if you find it difficult to abstract from loud music outside walls, trampling and screaming, if in this situation you find it difficult to focus on your life, then try to act through the conflict, through his permission. In this case there are two ways: legal and household. First we'll decide which one to use. To do this, determine who is in front of you, what he thinks, what his intellectual level is, with whom he is friends, who is his authority, what is important to him, and so on. If you do not know anything like this and do not even want to know, then we recommend, at least, to exclude at the first stage of negotiations any requirements and talk exclusively politely and benevolently. And of course, do not threaten, do not even hint, so as not to cause additional aggression. Maybe your neighbors just grew a child, and the parents for some time left. In this case, it is better to talk with parents, having warned about this teenager. And wait. As a rule, this eventually passes, children grow up. And the neighbors remain.
There is an option when the apartment is rented andNobody is responsible for what happens there. The fact is that the apartment owner, after signing the contract, does not own this apartment until the contract expires. Tenants with him may not even talk if he does not like them. As well as the society of homeowners has no leverage to influence this situation. To the same version of difficult neighbors, you can add people with alcoholism who do not even understand what you are asking for, and even more often - just do not remember that you came to them. In such situations, there are cases when a single call to the police helped with the report about "suspicious persons" who are entering that apartment or people whom the police seem to be looking for. You do not know who lives there and what's going on!
When the neighbors making noise are unknown orPeace talks do not work, you can take advantage of the legal option - to call the police. But we must be ready for the fact that it takes a lot of effort, nerves and results can be expected for a very long time. Calling is better 02. Your call will be taken into account in the journal and your application will be forwarded to the local police station, after which the control will be carried out - what was done on this complaint. You can also apply to the police in writing, it is better collective (after all, this behavior of neighbors is prevented not only by you). The application in the office should be registered with you or sent by registered mail, having warned about it. Answer should be given within a month after registration of your application. And if you decide to follow this path, you should finish the deal until the noise stops at all, because if you turn, in the future your actions will not be taken seriously by noisy neighbors or by the police who get off Formal visit.
Most importantly, with whom you live and what wouldRelations never built, remember that after a while all this will also become part of history, your common neighborhood biography. And if the circumstances of life divorce you, as practice shows, it is about neighbors that you will always remember with warm nostalgia.
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