How to become self-confident, advice of a psychologist. How to raise self-esteem and love yourself a woman
Self-confidence is precisely that quality,Which is so often missing for many of us in life. Especially women who, according to psychological research, are more prone to negative influence of criticism from outside and self-flagellation than men. How to become self-confident, raise self-esteem and love yourself, read in our today's article.
Fine line: what is confidence and self-confidence
Before proceeding to practical advice,You need to understand what it is - self-confidence. In psychology, the concept of confidence is viewed from the standpoint of personal quality and implies a positive evaluation of one's own skills and abilities. Confidence begins to form in childhood, when the baby first tries to compare his small achievements and the received moral satisfaction. If during this period the parents and the environment of the child support him, encourage him and praise him, the child grows confident in his abilities. Accordingly, criticism, especially harsh and rude, and lack of support pave the way for future complexes and unbelief in themselves.
At the same time, unreasonable praise and excessiveGuardianship is also dangerous for the formation of the child's personality, as is excessive criticality and severity. Twenty-four-hour praises and praises without a reason cause an inadequate evaluation of one's own efforts, which subsequently leads to the formation of such qualities as self-confidence and pride. The main difference between confidence and self-confidence is the degree of adequacy of assessing your strengths and achievements. A confident person has the ability to clearly assess their abilities and their application to achieve their goals. Self-confident personality is incapable of this: it does not have self-criticism, does not see possible threats, often risks without direct necessity. About self-confident people often say that their ambitions go off scale and they lift themselves on a pedestal. As a rule, for self-confidence are errors of education, and only then features of character.
So, self-confidence is the basis of adequateHuman behavior, the keystone to the success and effectiveness of his achievements. Self-confidence is closely related to another psychological concept - self-esteem, which refers to a person's idea of their importance, their own merits and demerits. Overestimated self-esteem is accompanied by excessive self-confidence, and understated, respectively, characterized by insecurity in their abilities. Ideal - adequate self-esteem, when a person is confident in himself, and behind this confidence are hidden not empty ambitions, but quite proportionate personal qualities and achievements.
The main reasons for self-doubt
The main, but far from the only reasonLack of self-confidence, we have already voiced above - these are the characteristics of upbringing and unhealthy relationships in the family. But if the family factor was the only determining reason, it is unlikely that history knew so many positive examples of successful people from dysfunctional families who, they say, "made themselves". These same examples are direct evidence that many causes of insecurity lie in ourselves. What is behind this abstract formulation?
Ignorance of my true "I"
First, ignorance of oneself and the lack of a clearSelf-identity. In order to understand what is at stake we will give a simple example. We all live in the process of life several roles with which we identify ourselves. For a woman, such roles most often become: Daughter, Girl, Schoolgirl, Girl, Student, Beloved, Woman, Co-worker, Wife, Mother, Grandmother ... Depending on life circumstances and personal priorities, the order, number and composition of these roles may vary. But the essence remains the same: we get used to identify ourselves with each of our roles and do not know what is behind these masks. But if you throw away all social conventions and imposed images, then there remains only the "naked" I, the existence of which we so often forget. So, if a woman is accustomed to identifying herself, for example, with her firm and the role of the director, then her self-confidence will come to an end as soon as she loses her business. The same scenario awaits and the mother, who completely dissolves in her children and lives only with children's interests and needs. As soon as the children grow up, such a woman loses a sense of self-confidence and ceases to enjoy life.
Lack of the right meaning of life
Secondly, self-confidence in many ways dependsFrom a clear knowledge of the meaning of his life. Returning to the example of the mother, we can say that adult children deprive mother of the main thing in her life - caring for them. It is no wonder that having lived for many years with the certainty that children are the meaning of existence, a woman is lost and does not know how to be further. She is insecure, that she is able to realize herself in another direction and literally does not know how to live further. Clear knowledge of your goals, the presence of some life plan in combination with self-identification helps to avoid this mistake.
Inability to say "No"
And, thirdly, self-doubt most oftenSuffer those who do not know how to build clear personal boundaries with others. If it's hard for you to say "No" to a person who is uncomfortable with you or you often let acquaintances use your kindness for free, then most likely you are too dependent on the opinions of others. It is this dependence that gives rise to self-doubt. Women, due to the peculiarities of their psychology, are more confirmed by the "merger" with others. A vivid example is the identification of oneself with an infant in the first years of his life. Such a merger is a natural mechanism that ensures the child's survival. In all other cases, the absence of clear personal boundaries leads to psychological deformation of the person and its blurriness. Therefore, of course, there can not be any talk about self-confidence.
How to become confident in a strong woman: practical advice
Let's immediately stipulate one important nuance: The formation of confidence requires time and work on oneself. Before you begin to implement our recommendations, determine the time for achieving the desired result. They should be real, there should not be any options "to become self-confident in a week". It is also important to clearly imagine what exactly your concept of "certainty" will include. It is advisable to write a list of qualities that you think the strongest and most confident woman you want to become has. The list and terms will help you not only to orient yourself, but will set intermediate goals for you. As they say, the elephant should be eaten on slices.
To make it easier for you to complete this task,Offer an approximate list of qualities that psychologists believe confident people have. You can take it as a basis and supplement with your items. So, a confident woman is different:
- Will power
- Positive attitude
- Clear personal boundaries
- Adequate self-assessment
- Stress resistance
- Understanding their needs
- The ability to control one's emotions
- Awareness of their weaknesses
- High efficiency
- Desire for self-fulfillment
Having issued your list of qualities, analyze itAnd tick off the items that you are currently matching. Unmarked qualities will become your intermediate goals, which you will master gradually.
As for terms, the average personIt takes about a year to achieve tangible results in the "re-education" of oneself. Therefore, it is important to be patient and gradually move towards the goal.
How to become confident and raise your self-esteem: the most effective exercises
So, outlining the action plan, you need to move on to implementing it. Help in this special psychological exercises aimed at working through your weaknesses.
For example, if you suffer from fuzzyPersonal boundaries, then you need to work on protecting your own interests. Very effective in this regard is the exercise called "Stop": every time someone from your relatives, friends or colleagues ask you for another service that helps your own interests, tell him a clear "No". To begin with, you can practice in front of a mirror or with a partner, having lost a similar situation with it. Learn to refuse firmly, but calmly, guided by common sense, and not emotion. And at the same time be sure of your right to 100%. A similar special exercise can be found for each quality from your confidence list, on which you need to work.
Think of yourself as an image of a successful woman
In addition, in the formation of self-confidenceImitation of external success helps a lot. It is about the embodiment of behavioral patterns inherent in successful and confident people. Define for yourself the standard of a strong, confident woman. It can be a celebrity, your friend or just a fictitious image of you. Take a closer look at the behavior of your ideal: note how she talks, how she behaves in difficult situations, how she solves problems. Important are external manifestations of certainty, for example, gait, manner of dressing, facial expressions and gestures. After analyzing the data, try to adopt some of them. For example, good posture influences the formation of confidence. Learn to keep your back straight, do not grumble and do not slouch. Work out your confident gait in front of a mirror or with a book on your head.
But the main thing is to love yourself. A confident woman always respects and appreciates herself and her body. She has a share of sound self-criticism, but this does not prevent her from loving herself and constantly improving herself. First, identify the "gaps" in your personality that prevent you from loving yourself. If these are purely external factors like a superfluous kilogram or a problem skin, then make every effort to get rid of them once and for all. If the reasons are more profound, then contact, for example, a psychotherapist who will help you deal with mental "flaws". Do not forget about your internal resources, such as, willpower and motivation - be sure to use them for self-improvement.
Now you know how to raise your self-esteem and become self-confident. Start your way to confidence today and very soon you will notice the first positive results!