/ / Inadequate behavior as a consequence of psychological trauma

Inadequate behavior as a consequence of psychological trauma

NEGATIVE AND PROVOCATION
Often we are faced with a situation whereSome familiar (or in general an outsider) dumps on us the flow of completely unnecessary to us, and sometimes even just negative information. Imagine, you come to the beauty salon to make a new haircut, and the master at work begins to tell you about how everything in his life is bad: and the children do not want to learn, and the husband earns little, and the furniture spoils the dog ... You sit, You agree, but you yourself think, when this verbal flooding will end. And after you leave the salon, you feel squeezed like a lemon, although before going to the hairdresser you had a cheerful and cheerful mood.

Who is in front of you?
For this type there are generalized names: Toxic personality or psychological "vampire". A characteristic sign - you feel a strong energy weakness. Communicating, you understand that you are not interested in him - in your place could be any. Toxic people talk only about themselves, they never listen to the opinions of others. They never, anything and nobody satisfies. They criticize, condemn, gossip or need your help, and most often - urgently. Often they like a roller "passing" on the other, along the way humiliating and insulting. In doing so, they do it as if nothing had happened - from their point of view, in the context of a secular conversation.

So, one friend at a meeting always says: "You look tired ... Your skin is bad, gray. Did not you rest properly? And it's impossible to get rid of dandruff, right? "It is clear that the mood after such a" compliment "disappears, like a balloon accidentally released by a child ... Many people, seeing this woman, move to the other side of the street. But you can regret it: unenviable appearance, inability to dress beautifully, dissatisfaction with work (instead of the singer's career, about which she dreamed, the position of a nurse) and personal life. It seems that she is constantly afraid that she will be asked why she no longer sings and why her husband left her? Therefore, he attacks first. The method of toxic people is provocation to negative emotions.

Why did they become so?
They have a wrong attitude of behavior in society,And the roots of the problem should be looked for in childhood. "Toxicity" can be the result of a person's internal unhappiness - he sees everywhere a dirty trick, hardly relaxes and never opens up to another. He takes a defensive position in relation to others, but more often attacks first.

How do you behave?
If this is a colleague, observe the distance. He complains about another employee? Say: "You better address this to the boss" or "Maybe you should turn to a psychologist?" It is unlikely that he will do this (we remember that they hear only themselves - your opinion is not interesting to them), but you will save yourself from negative influence. Speak politely and smile - this toxic person expects the least. Ideally, you should not let such a person into your life. If he often calls, do not answer it. Having started out in an explanation of why you do not want to communicate, he will still get what he needs - your reaction. Do not become a victim by arguing with him. If his hairpins do not work, he will soon stop provoking you.

THE REQUIREMENT OF LOVE
"Mom," a 5-year-old girl turns to her mother, "Can I play in the sandbox? "-" No, you can stain the dress. "-" Can I play with the children in the yard? "-" No, I do not want you to become as bad as they are. "-" Can I have an ice cream ? "-" No, you can catch a cold throat. "-" Will I play with this puppy? "-" No, he can have worms. "At the end of this dialogue, the child begins to cry, and my mother, turning to a friend with whom everything This time she talked enthusiastically and incidentally answered her daughter's questions: "I have such a nervous girl! I can not stand her constant whims!"

Who is in front of you?
A neurotic personality. Previously, people like this mother were called "too demanding", "excessively suspicious" and "disturbing." At the heart of the neurosis lies an internal conflict.

Sigmund Freud believed that here lies the struggleRepressed (instincts) and repressive forces (culture, morality). And neo-Freudian Karen Horney believed that "neurosis only arises if this conflict gives rise to anxiety." A neurotic person always tries to attract attention to himself - hysterics (hysterical neurosis), fears and phobias (anxious-phobic), weakness (neurasthenia).

Why did they become so?
Neurotic people are looking for problems, not solutions,Discuss difficulties, find new obstacles. Anxiety makes you worry about your loved ones, while limiting their actions. At the heart of it is the feeling that others are inattentive to them and do not understand them at all. It is believed that the neurotic personality received a psychological trauma in early childhood, which she could not cope with, and reacted by increased anxiety due to her helplessness. The desire to be accepted by others drives her and in adulthood.

How do you behave?
The demand of love that we can feel for youit does not matter. A neurotic person projects on you the image of one of the parents, whose attention she lacked. Therefore, your love will always be small. Sometimes you will get the impression that after talking to her you are very tired, or have become aggressive for no apparent reason. This is a sign that you need to take care of yourself now. "Give out" attention is dosed - your resources will not last long.

REGARDLESS
A woman's whole life was very difficult to communicate withthe elder sister - between them 10 years of difference. The first - the family: the husband and children. The elder sister is divorced, she lives separately. And every evening she calls the younger one to consult on certain issues. And he does not ask for a recommendation directly, but asks a question and waits for her to be prompted on what to do, from what to buy in the store before whether you need to meet new customers about whom the younger do not know anything ...

Who is in front of you?
Dependent person. Their basic need is to shift most of the decisions and responsibility for their lives to others. They constantly fluctuate when it is necessary to express an opinion, can not make a final decision, even when it is obvious. They think that they will still make a mistake or choose the wrong one. They live with a feeling of emptiness, so if such a person part with a partner, he must certainly fill it with someone or something else.

Why did they become so?
At the heart of this is a psychological trauma thatThey most likely received in early childhood. The parents of the dependent person, probably, dispersed and did not explain to the child what happened, provided it to themselves. In fact, he was left alone, and loneliness for a baby is tantamount to death. Therefore, in adult life, it is driven by the fear of global loneliness and the need to make decisions on their own ... Just like in childhood, when no one from adults was nearby.

How do you behave?
If your relative or girlfriend is suitable for thisdescription, you already know what is happening to them and what could have preceded it. Be attentive to such a person, but defend the personal boundaries - the dependent easily breaks them. Do not go on about - reduce the advice to a minimum, do not let me shift all responsibility to you. Parents you can not replace him, and instead of your life, live someone else's.
Pay attention to: