Range of conversation on high tones
A child's view.
When we talk with our child onElevated tones, we do not see from ourselves. We do not see our crooked face, flashing crazy eyes, anger that flows from us, crooked fingers, do not hear those terrible expressions and words that erupt with our lovely mouth ...
But all this is seen by our child, he can be inAny age. He sees us as: screaming, wicked, scary, insecure and fear-bearing. At such moments a child receives for life a charge of fear, from which it will later be "washed" for a long time, disposed of independently or with the help of psychologists.
What do we see?
A clotted little ball, which only dreams of one thing, so that it all ends soon! The eyes of the child filled with tears and fear ...
Of course, we see all this. But at the same time we do not change anything. Why do we do this?
First, because the fear in the eyes of the childGives us pleasure. Unfortunately, this is exactly the case. Otherwise, we would not do this. In his childhood, we received our portion of fear and resentment. Being an unmarried we burned again and again, fell, were afraid, mistaken, while accumulating fears and resentments. We have a child who has become the object for draining our negativity, we feel the power over the weak being. Alas, but this is exactly so.
We, of course, do not do it on purpose. Probably, we will be outraged when we hear a statement that we get pleasure from the fear that the child is experiencing. But the Law of the Universe says: "Life situations that are repeated again and again bring us pleasure, otherwise such situations would not be repeated." (Free interpretation of the law).
Secondly, it's hard to change. In order to try to change the situation, it is necessary to look at ourselves from horror, accept yourself, forgive yourself, love yourself. I think we will succeed and we will be able to do it.
Itself is not easy to change, but it is possible.
First step. Try to see yourself at the time of the ora. Yes, it is not a pleasant creature, which causes nothing but shudder. Have you seen? To this image nothing is unnecessary to add, since this image is already quite unpleasant.
The second step. Accept yourself as you are. But do not blame yourself in any way. Do not seek excuses for yourself. Do not try in your environment to look for the guilty. You are like that, because at the moment you are like that. We will assume that until this moment you did not know how to behave differently.
Third step. Now, when you are not accusing and not regretting, lookto myself. When you soberly look at the situation when the emotions were consciously pushed aside, it's time to answer the question: why do I yell? Could the actions of the most expensive creatures have become the cause of my ora? Who, whose actions, thoughts, fears are the cause of the ora? Answered? And now another question: WHY DO I BLOW? Or, in other words: What do I achieve with my orom? This method I think is the most effective? I can only change the situation in this way?
The fourth step. I hope you apologized to the child (ageNot important), answered all questions, made conclusions for themselves and stopped yelling. It is very important: do not take on increased obligations, do not give yourself promises and vows, do not try to be the ideal dad or ideal mom. If you take all this upon yourself, then you have not yet forgiven yourself. Alas. To do this, it is enough to see yourself from the side at the moment of the ora. Learn to stop yourself. And with each time you will get better and better. Or will lose all sense.
The opinion of the child.
For the child, there is initially no sense inyour heightened tone. He just does not understand why suddenly, from a beloved, affectionate mother or from a good dad, you suddenly turned into a real miger or despot. For a child, in most cases, the meaning of your transformation is not clear. Until a certain age, he can not look at this world through the prism of your complexes and fears. Mentally turning to his mother or father, he thinks: "I play, and you start yelling." That is, you are yelling for yourself. And this is another reason to get involved with this case.
And further. Ask your child about your shortcomings, what he does not like about you, why it happens, what can be done. And you will hear a lot of very interesting things. Here, for example, the phrase of one child: "Mommy, do not need to apologize and say that you love me. You just do not horo. "
Can you say that everything is wrong with you? I am very happy, and even happy that your baby grows in a calm atmosphere, which is filled with love and light, that only a quiet range of conversation is heard in your house, and a conversation on high tones is very rarely heard, that the child has a voice, and you listen to the child when he is unhappy with something. But, alas, this is not the case in most cases.
By the way, lowering the voice gives amazing results. You will begin to listen and hear your child, and he will hear you. Peace, love and peace will settle in your home. Is this not happiness?