What is childish disobedience?
So what is childish disobedience, because ofWhich every new generation of parents suffers and on what every new generation of children insists? From the point of view of parents, disobedience is something that irritates adults in children. Almost everything irritates! "Do not talk with your feet!" - and he talks. So it's naughty. "Do not bother your father with your stupid questions!" - and he pestered. "Naughty!" He broke the glass - "Nelukh! They told you: do not turn! "He fell and broke his knee -" Naughty! They told you: do not run! "Similar experiences are experienced at times by almost all parents. You look at the child hysterical in hysterics and you think with fear: "Will it always be like this ...?"
How can we be?
Yes, it will always be so. And even worse! If you continue to count from yourself. If you do not change your mind about childish disobedience. Usually this problem is considered from the position of parents, that is, how to deal with a disobedient child, how to tame it, to make the life of parents more or less calm.
In the most famous book on thisProblem (Doctor Dobson's "Naughty Child") discusses the admissibility of corporal punishment of children. The recipe is offered (quite seriously!), How to make a naughty child painfully hurt, while still not crippled. And I want to exclaim: "How far has progress!" The doctor (!) Shares the experience of harmless beating of children ... And many parents are now happily brandishing this book: "It turns out that you can beat children! And spanking is so useful! And up to a certain age the child is not at all offended. "
Then why do they cry so much, if it is useful to them and not offensive? ..
Yes, you can keep the baby in an iron grip,Spanking you can teach him to walk on a string, slam uselessly to chatter with his feet and ask stupid questions. But ... one day a grown-up child will remember all this to you. So, no strict measures put an end to the problem of disobedience. She just moves away. And in the very near future - in the transition age. Although ... then you can definitely throw everything down to school, to the doorway, to bad comrades, to immoral television ... Well, what if you do not pause this problem and try to solve it without delaying or resorting to the advice of the "great" Dr. Dobson?
In fact, it's great when a child knows what he wants and what does not. He tells us what is good, what is bad, what is useful, and what is harmful.
A living child or a doll?
Yes, tired parents, tormented by life's troubles, I want at least their children to rejoice.
I want to see them neat, with roundCheeks, so that the children with an appetite would eat their muffin and play quietly in their corner. And do not soryli. And they did not make any noise. Also did not hurt. Also would come on the first call. And they would clean the toys behind them. And in time to bed. And they would bring five from school. And they would take out a trash can ... For some reason, many adults believe that children SHOULD be just like that! It should be because parents so want, because they are so comfortable, comfortable. After all, parents brought their children into the world, fed them and they drank, and children, in turn, SHOULD pay them for these benefits. To pay with OBEDIENCE, that is, a waiver of one's will. No more no less.
But a child was not born yet, whoWould aspire to obedience, who likes to sit behind lessons rather than play; Who after the game would have the strength to clean toys; Who would come clean from the street; Who would not want to tear off Dad from the TV, and my mother from the phone; Who would like to vacuum the carpet every Saturday, and take out a bin every evening.
From the point of view of the child
Let us look at the disobedience of children with theirPosition. And it turns out that in most "misdemeanors" of children there is no ill will. Yes, it is difficult for them not to talk with their feet, because the energy beats them with a key. Yes, the game is more interesting than lessons (do you really think otherwise?). Yes, after the game they are very tired, like you after work, because the game for them is the same work. So to remove toys for children is really not at all possible ...
But if we instead of scolding him andReproach in disobedience, we will help the child to cope with this difficult matter, he will be grateful to us and another time he will respond to our request and help us. It's only this way (and not by order) that he learns to sympathize and help. Tell him: "When you have time, please do it," he will do. Or ask: "If you are not tired, help me, be a friend" - and he will rush to help you. The main thing is to ask for warmth, gently, humanly. After all, a child is not a robot or a soldier, but a LIVING person. Same as we are with you. A living person with his own tastes, his temperament and temperament, his weaknesses and, if you like, oddities. Yes, this is a surprise for many parents! And all these features begin to appear very early, even from the cradle. One joyfully guzzles all night long and leads parents to nervous exhaustion, another yells when he is dipped in a bath, the third one sobs when he is taken out of the water, and this one sucks milk only under Strauss waltzes ... Yes, they are all very lively and very different.
The child is always right
But only the child will speak, as very soonHis favorite expressions will be "I do not want!" And "I will not!". From this moment on, life in many families turns into a real struggle. In an unequal fight ... Because a mother can force a hateful porridge into a child, and he can not do the same with his beloved mother. Because the father can spank the annoying child in his heart, but it, the child, can not do the same with the daddy ... So what can a small child oppose to the power of adults? Only my desperate "I DO NOT WANT!" And "I WILL NOT!" At least it has it. And we should rejoice!
After all, disobedience is a manifestation of the realizedPersonality. Personality, which has its own opinion and is not afraid to express it. Even if this person is only two years old and she just got out of the diapers. This self-realized person, this strongly pronounced individual expresses his opinion expressively on any occasion. Yes, disobedience is not evil, as many parents believe. In fact, it's great when a child knows what he wants and what does not. He tells us what is good, what is bad, what is useful, and what is harmful.
Parenting the heart, parents can confess to themselves that in almost all cases a child is right! His disobedience is a manifestation of an innate HEALTHY SENSE.
Yes, refuses to eat, because he is not hungry. He does not want to dress, because he is not cold. Yes, he rebels against putting him to bed, because he is not tired yet and does not want to sleep. So why should we, the parents, insist on their own? Why deprive a child's life of joy and meaning? Let's give him the opportunity to feel hungry, to shiver under the rain, to get smeared with sand and clay, to run in and play enough, so that later he would crush the smell of black bread with appetite and fall asleep sweetly.
By his stubborn disobedience, the child is fighting formeaning of life. And such a child deserves all respect and even admiration, and not at all tedious notations, not spanking and cracking, as is often, alas, happens ... It is erroneous and dangerous to look at the child as a lower being, which must at all costs be tamed and To train! Do you want him to have to "squeeze out a slave by drop"? But it is in the family that the child is being taught slavish psychology. First of all in the family, because the family makes a person, not kindergarten, school, etc. Kindergarten, school only check the person: what is it worth?
Disobedience is the yeast on which the personality rises
And the better yeast, the stronger the leaven, theMore turbulence and conflict in the family. But if we want our child to grow up to be an active, creative person, we will not fill these fertile yeasts with cold water of notations and punishments. Yes, with an obedient child is calmer, but colorless. With a naughty tense, but interesting. With naughty do not get bored!
Let us look at the child as an equalThe creator of our common life. Do not break his will, but rejoice at its manifestations. Do not scold for independence, but encourage it. Do not gloat over his failures, do not humiliate, but encourage. Let's have an elementary respect for your child, however small it may be. Agree with the child, recognize his rightness, give in to him - it's not at all humiliating and not ashamed. It's normal, it's human, and this will only bring us closer to our child. And then the negative "ah, you disobedient!" Will leave our lexicon, and in return will come respectful: "Well, let it be your way, kid."