Education without coercion
- to bring up a worthy person in a cruel andAt times an unjust world. Everyone tries to do it in his own way: some solve all questions with a cry, others remain calm, but they deprive the child of freedom, others prefer to keep their nerves and just move away from the child. The fourth do not want to deal with the shortcomings of their children and instead of accustoming them to daily cleaning of their room, grinding their teeth, they themselves set the order there. But all these ways of interacting with children are absolutely wrong.
The main thing that you need to realize is: The authority of the child you deserve only if you remain calm in any situation. This does not mean that you should be indifferent to everything. Only let the child know that you give advice, but in no case do you get into the soul - thus you will give him freedom of choice and get the opportunity to be heard. Your enemy is not a child, but your own uncontrollable emotions.
7 ways to stay calm
If your child in any situation is able to easilyTo get you out of yourself, this is hardly a normal phenomenon. The most important thing that needs to be understood is that only you, and not your children, are to blame. Here are some useful tips:
1. Understand what annoys you
Each of us roughly knows what words of usOffend most. But best of all this is known to children. They see our weaknesses. So take a deep breath and close your mouth when you hear, for example: "I hate you!", "Backward!", "Your work is more important than me!" - and especially the phrase that strikes outright: "It would be better I had another mother! "
2. Do not enter the child's territory
Every child has his own space in the house. A separate room is the way to develop your child's personality. Do not be a tyrant and constantly dig into his things, remind of cleaning and reproach for the mess. In the end, one morning he will wake up and he will understand that it's time he had to figure out his room. And every time you want to remind a child about cleaning, first go and clean up your own room.
3. Do not ask general questions
It is unlikely that he will answer you honestly. And if the answer seems superficial, you will start to resent that eventually grow into another scandal. The fact is that it is very difficult to answer the questions: "How are you?" Or "How do you feel?" Most of us do not like the answer "Normal", because it basically does not mean anything - it's like not saying anything. Therefore, if you want to know about the state of the child, be more specific and try to be constantly up to date on its affairs. He is not a stranger to you.
4. Let the child disagree with you
It's quite difficult. But freedom of judgment will establish mutual respect between you and your child. Listen to the children's statements and in no case do not condemn this point of view. Just try to explain "what is good and what is bad," while emphasizing that you are not trying to impose anything.
5. Respect his choice
From a certain age, the child is entitled toThen, to spend his free time the way he wants. Say, instead of going to visit your girlfriend, he wants to go with friends to the ice rink - so let him do it. The society of friends is much more pleasant than the conversations of adults about work. Pocket costs are also an important issue. Give as much as you can, teach him to save. Remember: if you say how and what your child is spending pocket money, he will never learn how to manage them.
6. Try not to drill the child with your eyes
If during a conversation you literally lookDirectly into his eyes, for example, to understand whether he is lying or not, the child automatically begins to worry, even if his conscience is clear. Do not try to see your child right through, you should understand it and not scare it away.
7. Do not accept a call
A two-year-old kid takes a kitchen knife right afterOf how my mother forbade it. A teenager says to his mother: "You are the most terrible mother in the world. Because I can not do what everyone else can do. " Your children are trying to take you alive, but you know that the fight will not begin until you want to participate in it. Instead of accepting a challenge, take a timeout. Quietly close your eyes and go to your room. Time will help you cool down, get distracted. And your child will understand that such a number will not work with you.