Psychology of children, friendship between children
Where to begin?
If your child is less than six years old and hasFew friends or not at all, then, most likely, social skills are learned by them more slowly than by other children. Therefore, in order to learn to be friends, he can not do without your help. And you need to start here with the ability to approach other children and start a conversation. To do this, it is better to choose the most sociable and friendly child in the kindergarten group or in the yard. And come up with a smile. As recommended in the famous song, it's easiest to start the conversation with a smile. Then you can say: "Hello, my name is Petya. Can I play with you?"
From time to time a child, even with normalSocial skills can become self-contained. Usually this happens after severe stress: when parents divorce, change of school or kindergarten, when moving to another city and so on. As much as possible, you should prepare the child for the upcoming changes, discussing what is happening with him, and also discovering what will change in his life after that, and how he needs to behave in this case.
By the way, it does not matter how many friendsWill have a child. The number of friends that each kid needs depends on how timid he is, or conversely, sociable. To develop the skills of communication, shy children have only two or three good friends, whereas extroverts feel great in a big company.
Each parent wants his childWas popular among peers. The main thing at the same time is to show objectivity and leave aside your own preferences. Difficulties begin when parents and children have different temperaments. Sociable mom and dad, who have a shy son or daughter, sometimes start to put too much pressure on the kids. But the introvert parent, on the other hand, cares about too many friends from the beloved child - it seems to him that it is better to have one, but a loyal friend.
More is not always better
It's good when the child is surrounded by a large numberFriends. But as for a truly close friendship, the principle "the more, the better" ceases to function. Even a very sociable child may lack the strong mutual friendship that he really needs, in which he is understood and accepted as he is.
The number of friends varies as you grow upChild, just as the very concept of friendship is changing. In preschool children and younger schoolchildren, friends, as a rule, become the children most accessible to them, usually neighbors in the yard. And since many satisfy this criterion, then the question "Who are your friends?" A young child usually gives out a whole list of names.
Later the circle of friends narrows - the children beginChoose, based on their own taste and mutual interests. And to their circle of friends, the guys stay true for quite a long time. But, despite such a seemingly strong connection, in the teenage years the former friendship can disintegrate if one of the friends physically or emotionally develops faster than the other. For example, one friend starts dating girls, and the other is pretty infantile, and neither physically nor emotionally ready for it.
But, regardless of whether 5 or 15 years old child, inability to be friends or loss of a friend is a hard test for him. And the parents should help him to cope with the difficult situation.
How can parents help?
Create opportunities for friendship. Periodically ask the child if he would like to invite his friend to visit or to have a party for his friends or neighbor children. Invite one of the children to your home, children find contact more easily, talking one-on-one. Find him an occupation to his liking - a sports section or a circle of needlework, where a child could meet and communicate with their peers.
Teach your child the right communication. When you discuss with the child how to take into account the feelings of another person, teach him empathy and justice, you instill in him very important social skills that will later help him not only to find true friends, but also to be friends for a long time. Children can learn compassion as early as 2-3 years.
Discuss with the child of his friends and his socialLife, even if he is already a teenager. Often children, especially the elderly, are reluctant to talk about their problems with friends. But they, nevertheless, need your sympathy and help. If your child declares "No one loves me!", One should not console him with such passphrases as "We love your father." Or "Nothing, you'll find new friends." - your child can decide that you do not take seriously his problems. Instead, try to tell him frankly about what happened to him, whether he quarreled with a best friend, or feels in class "white crow". Analyze with it possible causes of the conflict (maybe, the friend just had a bad mood) and try to find ways to reconciliation.
The older the child becomes, the more on hisSelf-esteem begins to be affected by his success in the peer group and the opinion of other children about him. And if the child does not have friends, he is not phoned or invited for birthdays, he begins to feel like an outcast. It's hard not only for the smallest person - his parents also feel insulted by other children, their parents and even his child for being "not like everyone else." In addition, parents often feel guilty about what is happening. But their intervention in the situation that has arisen must be very cautious. You can morally support the child and help him with advice, but, in the end, he must solve the problem himself.
It is important!
If a child has a conflict with a friend, advise him on possible ways out of the situation. Praise your child for good, good deeds and blame when it shows selfishness.
Natalia Vishneva, psychologist of baby-land.org