Before creating a family and signing inCertificates of marriage, we would not be uncomfortable to read and sign in instructions that clearly explain how to "use" each other, so as not to harm in the process of "exploitation." And even better before going to the registry office to take the exam and get a diploma, confirming that we have successfully mastered the psychology of family relationships and are ready for marriage. Why build houses, design planes and drive a car without a "crust" is impossible, but to build a family, design relationships and manage the fate of another person - you can ?! Is this less responsible? No! Rather, the poorly designed relationships in a single family eventually become an irreversible disaster for the whole of society. But does society care about this? In general, no! However, each individual family can take care of itself.
Mutual grievances and reproaches once passionately lovingEach other's people are the result of the very missed course of the "young family man". As a result, years of accumulating claims, misunderstandings, and misunderstandings, and there is a crisis of relations in which the family is bursting at the seams. According to statistics, the incandescence of passions is often not borne out by men. Their psyche is less resistant to conflicts and is not at all inclined to clarify the relationship. Therefore, the door on the other side of the family closes more often behind them. Whether they go to their mistresses, friends, mothers, or simply lick their wounds somewhere in a neutral territory - we can only guess. To find out why-why-how-they disappear, we run to forums, to girl-friends, to parents. But maybe we should ask the men themselves why they leave us when we love them?
Goes or takes a "time out"?
"It is not always for the departure of a man that a divorce follows, and notAlways a man, picking up a toothbrush, socks and panties from home, plans to put in a suitcase and his love. This women mix two completely different concepts: "a man leaves" and "a man takes a time-out"! - explained in a frank conversation, the departed husbands. The male view of the problem is fundamentally different from the female one, and sees into the root. If a man leaves the family, he leaves not from the woman, but from the state that feels near her. He changes one condition near one woman, another state near another. A man moves with suitcases only to that comfort zone where he feels strong, confident, caring, successful, loving and loved.
Time-out is needed by a man to understandYourself and in the relationship that gave a break. He simply ceased to feel next to his beloved, the state for which he created a family with her. Such withdrawal has two options for the development of events: leaving forever and leaving the "pause", after which a new round of development of family relations may well begin. Which scenario is realized depends largely on the woman. If she perceives his departure or separation (physical, spiritual) as a personal insult, divorce can not be avoided. Keep your beloved man can only return to him the state and spiritual comfort, which he, being instilled, as a drug, can not simply return.
10 steps ahead of the care of a beloved man
Step 1. Take a man for who he is. A man is not a thing, and one should not treat him consumerly: "I do not like it! Convert the dress, cake or repair. A man can only be encouraged in every possible way to development, using for this his undeniable advantages. Criticism and sharpening of attention to shortcomings - not the best material for molding her husband in the image and likeness of his ideal. And, most importantly, do not forget to praise and thank him every time he deserves it!
Step 2. Love yourself no less than a man. A woman who completely devoted herself to a man and forgot about her femininity, sooner or later becomes uninteresting to her husband. No one is asking for a sacrifice on the altar of love, so it's strange to make a claim to a man, that he has stopped loving a woman who has started herself (in all respects). He fell in love with the one who hurried to his date, did not forget to tint his lips, made him jealous of the crowd of cavaliers and knew how to distinguish a male from a cable. What price does a woman set for herself, such a man pays!
Step 3. Loving sex with your man. Sex - one of the main "anchors" that keep a man near a woman. The "basic instinct" in marriage should not become secondary. Let it be better borscht will not be tasty, than there will be "tasteless" sex or it will not be at all. For borscht man is unlikely to go to another woman, but for sex ... Let the family life always remains intimate: "swear, make peace, but lie down together!" And let it always be a place not only planned but also spontaneous sex.
Step 4. Talk with a man. Families where people are able to talk frankly about love, about problems, about relationships, are less likely to disintegrate. Of course, a woman needs to talk more developed than a man. Hence, the advantage to build a model of relations in which problems are not hushed up, is in her possession. There is a golden rule, observance of which will lead to a constructive dialogue: the husband must first be fed, given a rest and only then start serious or frivolous conversation. And yet, psychologists categorically forbid starting a conversation with the words: "Dear, we need to talk!"
Step 5. To surprise, intrigue, motivate a man. Love dies when the spouses relax and cease to conquer each other, seek mutual favor and nourish love. Excluding minor, but important little things in the relationship, like kisses for parting, romantic sms, calls without a reason, small pleasant surprises, touching care, a woman becomes a habit. Predictability is the first step to boredom in a relationship. It is very easy to lose the love of a man in shallow disregard, which imperceptibly for both will turn into indifference.
Step 6. Do not be a man friend. "Just do not be friends with me! It kills a woman in me "- someone very aptly described the consequences of friendship between a man and a woman. In a marriage, especially that has existed for many years, friendship is often replaced by passion. Of course, it's good! But it's bad when she supersedes romanticism and sexuality between spouses. In such a family, the wife becomes for her husband a caring, sympathetic, bosom friend. With a friend you can drink beer before a responsible match, do not feel sorry for the three-story curses for life, allow yourself not to shave and not to give flowers. Is this acceptable in a relationship with a woman they love?
Step 7. Be a reliable and reliable support for men. If every woman dreams of a man behind whom, like a stone wall, then any man will give half a kingdom for a woman who will be a reliable rear for him. "In sorrow, and in joy, in wealth and poverty!" - this is not just the words of the marriage vow. A man wants to be sure that a loved one is not with him for the sake of his success, fame or money, but for his own sake. It is vital for him to understand that even if the whole world is against him, his woman will always stand behind her, and calmly give cartridges.
Step 8. Do not be afraid to fight with a man. No matter how strange it sounds, a family in which there are no conflicts is doomed to disintegration. If the spouses do not find out the relationship, then it is worth checking the "pulse" of such a family, maybe she has already died? Sometimes men subconsciously provoke a scandal to make sure - there are feelings and they are real. Family quarrels are an opportunity to understand each other, to convey their pain and express what was not obvious. Argue with a man you can and even need! The main thing is not to flirt with an angry fury, but in a state of peace to establish a taboo on the family council, which prohibits using the words "never" and "always" during a quarrel.
Step 9. To be with a man is always different. To become popular, a woman must be constantly different. So said the famous fashionista Coco Chanel, and her words meant not only the fashion image and clothes of a woman. In a relationship with a man, this rule also works flawlessly. That woman will become irreplaceable, which will always be unpredictable and mysterious for a man. A wife should always have in her arsenal of sincere images that will keep her husband in good shape. It can be a little girl you want to take care of, and a demanding princess, whose caprices you want to indulge, and a skillful hostess, near which is always cozy and satisfying, and a passionate lover, who - even to heaven, even to hell. The main thing is not to get stuck in one image.
Step 10. Keep the hearth. Roles in the family were distributed by primitive people who clearly indicated who carried the mammoth into the house, and who kept the hearth and cooks cutlets, cabbage rolls and jellied meat. Since then, a lot of water has flowed and many forms of society have changed, but the family structure, where the man is an earner, and the woman who keeps the "hearth" - has remained a fundamental tradition. Creating a cosiness in the house, the woman subconsciously influences the ancient male instincts. In order not to happen at his workplace, in the country or even in the "left flank" that has appeared in time, a man will be irresistibly carried to that house where cleanliness, order and comfort reign, where there is an appetizing smell of pies and where an atmosphere of calm and unconditional love is created.